How I Failed at my first solo baby outing and what you should do instead
Let’s face it guys, we can’t hide out at home forever. Eventually, we all have to leave the house and brave the public. And fight off those strange old women feel who like it’s appropriate to touch my baby`s face
… So let me tell you about my first daring journey out of the house with my newborn, flying solo.
The day started off with projectile spit up and poop leakage. I really should have accepted it as a bad omen and given up while I was ahead. However being the determined person I am, I felt like I HAD to go to out into the world. So I got myself ready. Then changed my child’s diaper and fed her… then she pooped again.
Anyway, we finally got our act together and got out the door. We made our first stop. Work. I needed to pick some things up because -you know- the whole maternity leave thing. So I go in, have a little show-and-tell of this adorable nugget. Then she decides she’s hungry.
Here’s where my first mistake happens.
I make myself comfy on one of the brand new upholstered chairs and feed my kid. Well, I had the good sense to burp my child while sitting on said fancy chair. After trying FOREVER to get her to burp, she gifts me with catapulting a stupid amount of regurgitated milk out of her mouth and nose OVER the burp rag and -you guessed it- onto the fancy chair(and my leg somehow). I get everything all cleaned up, and she decides she’s still hungry. So I feed her again and blow that Popsicle stand.
On to stop number two. Nordstrom. Equipped with a gift card to buy more baby stuff. I figured “I’ll run in, grab the baby provisions pay, and run out.” The Little One is sleeping at this point so I stick her in the car seat and we’re off.
My next idiot move was thinking I could be a ninja. and be in and out so quickly that I wouldn’t need to be a pack mule too, and bring my diaper bag. (I think you can see where this is going.)
So we go in and head straight for the baby section. I grab what I need and head to check out. Then trouble hits! I see a cute dress and had the audacity to think “hey! I should try this on.” So I make my way to the fitting room with my sleeping child. She patiently waits until I get the dress half way on, then decides it’s the opportune time to scream bloody murder. Three thoughts hit me at once.
- This bottomless pit is hungry again
- There are a lot of people in here listening to her cry
- This dress will NOT end up like Fancy Chair
So I take off the super cute dress (high-five, I made the one good call of the day) While my child continues to assault my ears. I finally start feeding her and she calms down. So now, I am trapped in a changing room, practically naked and -I swear- like five different employees knocked and asked if I needed help.
Then the unthinkable happens. The sound of poop erupts out of my tiny human, and I instantly want to punch myself in the face. So I finish up in there and make a beeline to a register- ’cause, dangit! This trip will not be for nothing!
I get up there and an employee is so taken aback by my beautiful (now silent) baby, that she calls over all the other employees within earshot, to come ooh and awe at my little 7lb stink bomb.
We finally escape to the car, dig into the all-mighty diaper bag, and take care of business. I put her in her car seat. Cue sudden poop explosion number 2 ( this time I was fortunate and it stayed confined to her diaper). So, we rinse and repeat. Then were off… Let me just tell you, she does NOT like being strapped into a car seat. So my poor, frazzled self, got to sit in traffic for 30 mins with a very loud angry baby in the back seat. Not fun.
Guys, I with all of my postpartum hormones, held it together. That is until my husband got home and asked how my day was. Which is when I came unglued and vowed to never leave our cave again!( not really)
So here’s what we learned here:
1. Pay attention to when your baby may eat again, and if it’s not an ideal time, top them off sooner.
2. Car seat covers are you friend (people can’t ogle at what they can’t see)
3. ALWAYS bring your diaper bag.
4. Be prepared for the baby fluids! (burp cloths are too small so we now use receiving blankets)
Honestly though, it could have been much worse. I could have run out of gas or forgotten the diaper bag at home. I think the key here, is that its all a learning process and the best way to handle it, is with a sense of humor.